Beast To Get Shacked

Mark "The Beast" Fatu today announced he would get shacked up permanently in two weeks time. "I know this will be a disappointment to my millions of fans" said Fatu "but hell it was love so what can you do". Fatu said he was very happy with his million plus visitors and said he hoped that his legions of female fans would not desert him now he was officially tied down, "I'm hoping to have a huge stag party with all the boys from the Rovers" said Fatu "so I'm really hoping they'll get me home by 7 am and not tied to a post". Fatu said he had yet to clinch a deal for exclusive coverage but was talking to several magazines including The Listener over exclusive coverage.

Beast To Become Web Star

Mark "The Beast" Fatu was looking to capitalise off the million plus views to this web site "At home with the beast". Fatu said today that it looked like television wasn't the best avenue for his obvious talents so he was looking to become a flash star are the web. "I think I've got that rugged sex appeal that will go down well in flash animation". Fatu said he would be aiming at the family market and wouldn't be straying into any adult content. "I'm a role model and it is important to me to pitch this site at the young blonde female market sector" said Fatu.

Nigerian Gets Beastly Virus

Mark "The Beast " Fatu has had no luck pitching his "At Home With The Beast" TV show in New Zealand but this week has had quite a bit of interest from Nigeria. "A guy sent me an e mail saying if I sent him ten thousand in unmarked notes" said The Beast "and he would not only get my show on air but he would send be fifty thousand advance royalties back". It seemed like a good deal but unfortunately the Nigerian's computer got a nasty virus just before the money could be wired, after he mysteriously opened an attachment.

Mark Fatu later confessed there was no truth in this story whatsoever "It's been a slow news week" he said. Fatu admitted he was just trying to drum up hits through Google for his Blog which had stalled at the million hit mark for at least a week.

I'll Manage Dr Hussey

Mark "The Beast" Fatu said he had had no further traction on his "At Home With The Beast" show but was however getting an unusual amount of interest in another new concept "At Home With A Hussey". Fatu said that ever since Eddie Hussey has shown his chest on prime time internet, there had been enquiries from all over the world about who this guy was.

"I think we can go it alone as a web vidcast" said Fatu "even if a big TV company doesn't come in for the rights". Fatu saud Hussey was very popular with nurses and another possibility was a hospital drame with eddie as Dr Hussey.

Fatu Not Disillusioned

Mark "The Beast'Fatu said today he was not disillusioned that his "At Home With The Beast" Tv show had not taken off. "The TV industry isn't up with the times and as soon as I become a celebrity then they'll be knocking down my door".

Fatu said he was aware Eddie Hussey needed some coaching as he was starting to attract a lot of feamle interest. "I think I can give Eddie a few pointers" said Fatu"as I've had the experience with a high level of female interest and know how to handle it".

Fatu Says Fame Hasn't Gone To His Head

Mark "The Beast" Fatu said today that the complete failure of his proposed TV show hadn't "gone to his head'. "We're looking at a radio format now" said Fatu "I don't think those TV people get it". Fatu said he would stay on in his day job until he became a superstar.

It's Not Me Says Fatu

Mark Fatu tonight denied this was a photo of him. "That guys better looking" said Fatu. Plans to launch At Home with the Beast are currently stalled because no one is interested.

"I might have to drag the big time wrestling concept out of the sewer" said Fatu.